i continue forward with a wake of burned bridges behind me.

this past week has been...just blah. down. totally down. full of pity. silence that has an ever-present tangible feel to it. i want to make things better, but i just dont know how. so much tension. i want things to ease up. they were so right before all of this nothing happened. ive been so happy with the new things coming into my life lately, but things like this just make them dull. im happy in the moment, when im distracted from reality and forgetting what it feels like to feel that disappointment, or anxiousness. what did i do? im not too sure actually, itd be nice if someone could tell me. someone would speak up, realize i really do care, hear my side of things. i keep trying. i really do. its so hard though when its a one-sided effort. i want a balance of things. i just want all these things, but thats not usually how it goes. and i dont deal with change well. ive burned my bridges, so ive come to think.