what else can i do? im making myself more miserable the longer time goes on. "you know you're just hurting yourself in this..." i wish i had the courage to do something about it. but sadly, i dont. for the time being. i know i shouldnt let everything keep building, but thats kinda how its happening. usually when things need to be confronted, it just happens. i dont plan for it. and then everything, and i mean everything comes out. i feel like i have practically no one. there's always one constant though, i promise i dont take that for granted. id be plain stupid if i did. i feel like i cant depend on people, no one gets back to me. what about my issues, my problems, my life? what if i NEED you to listen to ME? i wont get it. i cant have plans with people, it seems like thats just not possible for anyone. spontaneity? im all for it. except that i cant be. i can just go ahead and count you out. depend on you? right. im always there. but it should go both ways. im isolated; stop being distracted in this life and think of others. it hurts when im at the back of your mind, im not considered, im just there when you need me, not for other times. whats fun? i dont even know that anymore, not specifically anyways. all the time spent is about problems, complaints, sufferings. and yes, its okay to let things out. but there absolutely must be a balance. learn to achieve that, i cant be the place where everything awful about this life is deposited without a care. what about the positives? there's always something. and its frankly very ironic that im saying that, must be a sign or something.
i sound like a selfish, whiny, little kid right now. but i dont even care. sometimes you just gotta feel like that sometimes, and sometimes its perfectly justified.
