roundabout

I don't even know what's wrong with me, why can't I explain what's going on in my head? In my state of consciousness. I feel like my standards are too high, and I expect everything from you. How is that even fair? Then you go and rise above the rubble and burning and are still able to try your best to pull me out of it too. It always comes back around to me, my problems, my issues, I'm the cause of it all. I'm the only one that can change it. "No you're not," he whispers, "I am near" he says. But I am I am! Talking solves nothing, I just go around in circles blocking everyone out, saying they can't fix it, only me. I don't know how to make you understand what it feels like, there's no description, only feeling. Emotions are fleeting they say. They are, but what's the underlying deep down problem that keeps resurfacing? It keeps resurfacing because I keep shoving it back down, but I don't know how to release from it. Iron claws grasping my insides, choking out anything but the guilt of everything I do wrong. I always am the one to mess things up. And I'm just gonna do it again. And again. Recurring. How do I stop this cycle?