little victories, downfalls

everyone goes through those times. thats why they always say life is like a roller coaster. you go up, you go down, but in the end youre still riding that track. the key is making it through those times and coming out into the light. little things weasel their way in and irritate you in such a magnified way, but thus is life. ill be here in the end. no matter what. that commitment stands as strong as the day it was made.
dont look at the big picture, it only makes things worse. instead, turn it upside down and focus on completing the little separate parts. thats what my art teacher had us do when we were drawing something really complex. and it truly works. instead of focusing on making something look as life-like as possible, you focus on the lines and shapes and shades. when i look at the big picture, i get overwhelmed. its inevitable sometimes, but you make it through. one day at a time, thats my mantra. things to look forward to, goals to set, plans to be made, it all helps the time go by faster. just remember, always remember, im there till the end...

compromise.

its plain and simple, the action. the force driving it is one that is only momentary. temporary satisfaction for...what? the moment? the time being? what about after? guilt. remorse. reflection. forgiveness? i spend time dwelling on those times, the heat of the time, the desire, and how theyve already altered my future. how can i be so selfish as to give into such a fast-moving fire? it moves through me with a strong wind driving it, forward and forward more, until finally it goes out. and then the rubble of the left-behind ashes. must i give up, only to let such a fire consume even more? no. new life, discussion, conviction, thats whats in store. i want my future so bad, and i want to keep it pure and innocent. no spoiled experiences. everything will be new and an adventure. but only when the time comes. its healthier this way. i want to feel clean and light, content.

theres a first time for everything, but many of those firsts should be saved for the right time. im still saving the rest of mine.