cant cope.

I think about life, and oh how it changes so fast
And oh how it's so hard to last here waiting for something to give
I think about time, a luxury so hard to find
And I just can't figure out why I wasted it all here without you
But I'll be fine, and oh don't you worry
Cause I'll be fine, see I'm in a hurry to be
Gone away awhile, tell me all the things that I
I'll be missing here in this old life man cause I just don't know
I think about you, and all the times that we shared
And oh what a wonderful pair we made made it so far here we go again
I think about love, and oh what a beautiful song
And oh how it need to be sung here sing it so loud all the world can hear
I think I'll be
Gone away awhile, tell me all the things that I
I'll be missing here in this old life man cause I just don't know
But I'll be fine, oh don't you worry
Cause I'll be fine, see I'm in no hurry
No I'll be fine, oh don't you worry
Cause I'll be fine, see I'm in a hurry to be
Gone away awhile, tell me all the things that I
I'll be missing here in this old life man cause I just don't know

not quite yours

What happens when, all this time, you were under a different impression?
It's truly worth the wait isn't it? I'm truly worth the wait...right? Don't you realize how much better it will be? That instant satisfaction is really only a  momentary thing. It's a big commitment, oh I'm aware of it. I'm right there with you, going through the same process. The same wait. Only for me, it seems to stick with me better. I understand the ramifications. Probably because when something so little happens, I get a taste of what it would be like to have the ultimate downfall. The leftovers of that. I don't want to even come close to experiencing that pain. The pain of now is enough to cope with. I'm fragile; I break easy, I break often. To me, the safety of waiting is so much better than taking that risk. Because I know it would be continuous, it wouldn't be a one time thing. I would never be able to let go. Can't you see that? You see me now, and how I'm affected. Just imagine, imagine how awful it would be to have that intensified, a dark, ever-looming presence. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. And I know that. Maybe I can make you understand the deeply run guilt complex I suffer from? I've tried in the past. But I can try again.

It's too early to implement the only solution that i know of. Honestly though, I don't think it would really be a solution. It would be a shortcut, cheating. Those don't usually work out how they're supposed to. So when the time is right, I'll know. You'll know. We'll know together. And we'll do it the right way. Just keep the patience. Keep waiting. Just trust me on this one, for once I do know better than you.

realism

So realistic, all the time. "I'm just being realistic", when instead I could be more encouraging. I let everything get the best of me. Small things turn my whole emotional train backwards and upside down. I get discouraged easily. I get down easily. I can't seem to totally control my emotions and how I let them creep into everything I do. And that bugs me to no end. I start the day off with the thought that I won't let it happen, yet it still seems to. Yeah, it's getting a little better. But it's like, I get better in one area or subject, it moves to another. Just trades places for a while. I don't know how he puts up with me. I feel like I'm the messed up one. Maybe if I start believing I'm not, it'll start becoming true? I can't fix myself though. I'm apologizing all the time for everything I do. I feel like I always do stuff that warrants an apology. I feel like when it's going right, it's a carefully tread line and I'm teetering on the verge of going down. It could go either way with the tone of voice, the choice of words, the gesture, my breathing, my eyes, my looks. Everything sets it off, but how do I control the set off? Sometimes it goes off, sometimes it doesn't. I don't want this in the middle thing, I want the real forever.
Genuine. Love.