dont you fake it.

im tired of pretending for you. pasting on the smile, piling up the excuses. i want to be honest, but the hurt it would bring amounts to no other. at these crossroads i stand, clueless as of which way to go.
cold, so cold. the temperature? or the feelings coursing through me right now? the selfishness; its frigid. icing over, until only numbness is left. the essence of no feeling, no spark, at all. temporary or not, its here. and now. time to be dealt with properly.

trapped.

i feel like a caged animal. trapped in this room with no place to go, no place to run to and lose myself. to just forget things temporarily. i cant be productive like this. but i cant get away. this dilemma continues to present itself over and over again. the frustration builds and overflows from the inside. it spills and reaches others, like an uncontrollable flood. spreading faster and faster with no one but me to stop it. yet i fail. i cant brace the walls enough. the usual strength is missing, leaving with no sign or evidence of when it will return.