ohhh to sound dramatic

i think i live in the past, reminiscing of all the amazing memories ive had. wishing i could live in them now, such joyous, carefee, summer times.
the future is bold. the future is frightening. the future is coming, whether im ready or not.
im far too afraid to contemplate the future.
i guess the good thing is, that since i dwell on the past so much, i see what ive done wrong. where ive messed things up. i do my best not to let them happen again.


im scared of college, of leaving my home. my friends. my youth group. im too attatched. my emotions and feelings are intertwined with everyone here's; leaving is gonna stretch me to the max.


i cant stand to think about this time next year.

as i sit here...

i realize two weekends ago was absolutely amazing.
i realize i suckkkk at writing papers.
i realize im a procrastinator.

i wish i was outside. instead of stuck on this dang computer. its been about 3 hours.
the sun is shining, displaying God's glory at its greatest.

notimenotimenotime

i just love to hear this kind of crap every day.
i complain and gripe too much.
im a negative person.
i have no right to put up a fit.
i dont care about anything.
i never understand anything.
suck it up.

"if i didnt know you better cecelia, id say you were on drugs"
HAH. too bad im notttt. too bad thats the easy way out. too bad i dont ever take the easy way out. too bad i try my hardest and still get reprimanded. too bad no one knows that. too bad you dont know that...

change.

lifes changing.
but in a good way.
i usually dont handle change well.
but this time, its different.
and i cant wait.

lsjkadghlsdjkbgaljdf

my ipod is full. of music. to the max. i have 1372 songs. only about 300 of em are mine, ahaha thank youuuu stephen. :]


i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group i love my youth group.


i enjoy goin to see the old people at the nursing home, they are the best. the simplicity of their lives, how they can be happy just being there. just seeing us and talking to us makes them so happy. i love their names too, their old fashioned names. mabel, nell, bernice. theyre all so great :] the couples are my favorite, "yes weve been married for 50odd, 60odd years." AMAZING. i cant wait to go back.

children, children.

lets all act like little children, running away in our anger, burying ourselves in it. forgetting why theres anger in the first place, yet still holding on to it. never forgiving completely.

i just wanna go curl up and pretend nothing happened. that everythings ok. cant we just go back to normal, like before. it was oh so good.