in the theme of thanksgiving...

dear erica, :]
im pretty sure you are basically the best friend i could ever ask for. we are much much closer than friends; youre the sister i never had. although i dont even know if sisters could be as close as us. you are alwayssss there for me. in my time of sorrow, sickness, happiness, anger. you name it, youre there. you keep my head on straight and give me advice that comes from a soul beyond your years. you help me in my walk with Christ. you strengthen me as a Christian, and help me to strengthen my confidence in myself as well. i firmly believe that God put you in my life with a driven prupose. a purpose that consists of many good times, and some bad times. glorious laughing times, and times where the tears flow. serious talking times, and insane times. we have more inside jokes than our government has awful stupid reform ideas. we have more memories than obama has fans. our friendship is tighter than the joe-bros pants. :DDD i cant describe how much your friendship means to me.  
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove, CC

it takes a lot to not care at all.

apathy;
its how you live. do you know that?
do you know what youve done?
the effects your actions leave are impacting more than you could ever imagine.
youre lack of feeling, or regard for anyone besides yourself.
you live in yourself.

i cant stand watching this waste away. withering. dying with the coming winter.
im trying to help it live again. but to no avail.
my efforts dont matter, the apathy deadens them. supresses them, blocks them out, they dont exist.
at least not in your mind. youre stuck on what you think. what you feel. what you want.

the rest is up to you.

he makes me so happy...

my pony that is! :D

hes so cute and adorable and i almost forgot just how much i love him. he has so much heart, he always tries his best for what i ask of him. even when its more than he is capable of.

jazzy is this little compact guy that tries to be soooo tough and act like he doesn't have any feelings. he has this super hard exterior, but hes so soft on the inside. but then he gives in when you scratch his ears or just love on him. his eyes get all soft and he lowers his head so you can get the exactttt right spot to scratch. he will put up with anything i do.

i get so frustrated with him sometimes, because he is such a difficult horse to ride with his wierd jumping style. but we are improving! when i do get frustrated, he gets frustrated too. he doesn't understand why i get so mad when he is trying his hardest. but then after everythings over and my anger subsides, he still forgives me. i can see it. he will hang his head like he has done something wrong, and then when i just hug him he instantly seems happier.

after owning him for about 8 years now, ive developed such a close bond with him. ive got him allllll figured out. like you cant even imagine. i can tell when hes happy. i can tell when hes sad. i can tell what he is feeling, right then and there. i know this horse inside and out. he basically knows me the same way. he is like one of those people that you rarely ever see a smile or words of approval from. so when you do get that special moment, you value it that much more. its so meaningful.

i love this horse so much and nothing can change that. he will be with me forever.

im stronger than you

im stronger than you: ive got the love of Christ.
im stronger than you: ive got the love of my friends and family.
im stronger than you: ive got the support of my friends and family.
im stronger than you: ive got the willpower.
im stronger than you: ive got the mental strength.
im stronger than you: ive got the perseverance.
im stronger than you: ive got the ability to move on.
im stronger than you: ive got the stamina to keep going.
im stronger than you: ive got the strength. the power. the love.

youre controlling me;
and you dont even know it.

im learning to be staisfied in the love of Christ.
im learning to gaurd my heart.
im learning sososo much from this occurance.

its taken so much heart and strength and willpower to do this.
its taken the words of others to convince me.
i owe it all to Jesus Christ, for convicting me,

and now. that i have made these realizations, im ready.
for anything.

i thought they were gone

nope. not over it. not yet.
thought i was. thought i was strong enough to not let this happen. this is the reason im so guarded with it, never let it get to exposed, too close. im a solid wall on the outside, the inside is so sensitive though. when i feel things, i feel them hard. i love hard. too hard? possibly. i fall hard. i fall fast. i try and recover fast. only way to accomplish that...dont think. think of anything but feelings. itll go away eventually...eventually can be a long time. 

every single time i even glance; i lose my breath, my heart starts beating fast, and i realize i dont want it to be over yet. im not ready to let go. not ready to move on.

it felt faded, past tense.
now its real. and raw. and alive. and still fresh.

and i dont know how to stop it.

this might be read. but this might not be acknowledged for what its truly about. i may be too vague. if its true though, these words can be decoded and fully understood. can be taken into consideration. to heart, to the core. and affect and be affected.

what couldve been, what shouldve been.

it happened the way it happened.


i tried. too hard it seems to be.
do you care? i honestly dont know.
do you want it to be? i couldnt be sure.
do you know how i feel? you say you do.
do you feel the same way? i cant ever tell.
am i over it? i cant say. because i really dont even know.


the beginning gave me hope. gave me a fresh perspective. a breath of fresh air.
i get too attatched to fast. built up my hopes too soon, based only on what i knew and felt at the time.
it doesn't matter though, im neutral to this. no feeling really.


so know, if you ever find time in your busy life for me, well. im here.

i've seen God's country.

despite our ever growing civilization, God saved some amazing pieces of this world he created to stay remote and untouched by human hand.
thanks to my outdoor loving family, ive been to a lot of these amazing places.
yellowstone
the grand canyon
the grand tetons
looking glass rock
mesa verde
pisgah national forest
just to name a few.
the shameless display of God's amazing glory simply takes my breath away.
hiking 3 or 4 miles one way seems like an issue. but once you reach the destination, all complaints and aches fall away.
your breath stops coming as you survey what a truly wonderful, amazing, loving God we have.
i am so blessed to witness what he has created.
so many people take this world for granted. the simple pleasures in life disappear as our lives take over.
slowing down, enjoying what God has created, well it's good medicine for the soul.