early mornings.

i do love sleeping in mostly, its so hard to make myself get out of bed before the sun's up. this semester i have a riding lesson at 8:15am every tuesday morning. today was the first one. i was dreading it last night, but after this experience, im glad i have it so early. having a lesson at 8:15 may not sound too too early, but it actually requires waking up around 6:30 in order to be at the barn by a little after 7 and have ample time to groom and tack up.
it was a chilly morning, and no sight of the sun behind thick clouds. walking into the peaceful barn before the hustle and bustle of the day brings about a sense of calm in me. to be the first humans some of the horses greet that day is just special. we walk down the concrete aisle way, boots making that soft tapping sound with every step; some horses glance up from their breakfast to eye us, some keep their noses buried in their grain. others are already done with their grain and rest with sleepy eyes, one leg cocked, ears flopped to the side. the horses still out in the pasture pace, snorting and waiting anxiously to be brought in to eat, their hot breath making rhythmic white puffs in the icy air.

horses, the quiet barn, open fields, the scent of hay, the sound of grain, the soft fur, all these things bring calm to me. its where i can forget about the other troubles or stresses happening in the outside world. a place to get away. i miss my own pony so much. its great to be able to ride wonderful school horses with a top trainer every week, but i just dont feel the same on them. im lacking that deeper, solid, connection that goes to my heart. i can read my pony so well; his personality makes me laugh, it frustrates me, it cheers me up, it melts my heart, it just gets to me like nothing else. that connection with an animal is just so intimate. its a feeling of long understanding and servitude and entrusted emotions. it doesnt go away with distance, it doesnt go away with time, that ache is always, always going to be there. its a place somewhere deep inside me for jazz that, while other horses may temporarily fit, he will be the only one i share that with.