it's always last.

I'm sick of being the one at the very back of anyone's mind. It's infuriating. I'm the one that's put in all this effort, and this is what I get? It's such a recurrent thing in my life. I deal with it all through high school, hoping to somehow change it. Right, like that ever works out for me. I go to college, find someone I thought would be there. Turns out it's just another situation I was hoping to leave behind. I'm tired of it. And the worst part is the other party has absolutely no clue, ignorance is bliss they say. It's like standing outside the window, watching a big happy family enjoy their time together, when all along you thought you were a part of that family. Except you're not. You thought you were important, you meant something, you were included; no, it's not actually like that. It takes a lot for someone to say "oh yeah, shouldn't she be here too?", if they ever remember to do that. Most of the time they don't even bother. I just can't even handle it. And it just keeps happening, and I just keep trying to forget about it and not get hurt. Yet I keep letting myself care, only to get let down. Again. Albert Einstein said that doing something over and over again hoping for the same result is a sign of insanity. My destiny I guess. The big question is this though, do I attempt to leave it behind or do I try to hold on to what used to be? Meet me at the asylum I guess...