not quite yours

What happens when, all this time, you were under a different impression?
It's truly worth the wait isn't it? I'm truly worth the wait...right? Don't you realize how much better it will be? That instant satisfaction is really only a  momentary thing. It's a big commitment, oh I'm aware of it. I'm right there with you, going through the same process. The same wait. Only for me, it seems to stick with me better. I understand the ramifications. Probably because when something so little happens, I get a taste of what it would be like to have the ultimate downfall. The leftovers of that. I don't want to even come close to experiencing that pain. The pain of now is enough to cope with. I'm fragile; I break easy, I break often. To me, the safety of waiting is so much better than taking that risk. Because I know it would be continuous, it wouldn't be a one time thing. I would never be able to let go. Can't you see that? You see me now, and how I'm affected. Just imagine, imagine how awful it would be to have that intensified, a dark, ever-looming presence. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to deal with it. And I know that. Maybe I can make you understand the deeply run guilt complex I suffer from? I've tried in the past. But I can try again.

It's too early to implement the only solution that i know of. Honestly though, I don't think it would really be a solution. It would be a shortcut, cheating. Those don't usually work out how they're supposed to. So when the time is right, I'll know. You'll know. We'll know together. And we'll do it the right way. Just keep the patience. Keep waiting. Just trust me on this one, for once I do know better than you.