convincing.

How do I even begin to convey such a strong conviction on something to others? It's a deep rooted feeling that I know is absolutely right. It's practically impossible for someone who doesn't feel the same to understand. It rips my insides to shreds. It's somewhat disappointing in a way, to have thought someone felt the same as you all along. Until you realize they don't, they never have. Especially on this subject matter. While I know everyone has different opinions about things, I feel that this is something that an opinion is not allowed on. It's what we are taught and what we live by. Maybe it's just the fact that I feel the consequences so much more intensely. I hold myself responsible, and myself only. I'm the only one that can change it, I'm the only one that can stop it. That mantra playing in my head over and over again, it's all I know. Know how some people can love too hard? Well. I think I feel too hard. Everything affects me in such an intense way, it's so raw and just there. The pain is much more. It's like a sixth sense. Some people can hear or see or smell better than me, but I bet you I can feel emotions better than them. But what is the solution for that? Putting up a brick wall in the past has not worked. Then I just shut down. Trying to deal with it myself has not worked, this is what it brings me to; such an unbearable, ever-present intensity. I think I know the answer, and I try every day to apply it. It's such a habit to revert to my old ways, that sometimes I just forget.
What did I say one time a while back? Oh yeah, I'm a work in progress.