its plain and simple, the action. the force driving it is one that is only momentary. temporary satisfaction for...what? the moment? the time being? what about after? guilt. remorse. reflection. forgiveness? i spend time dwelling on those times, the heat of the time, the desire, and how theyve already altered my future. how can i be so selfish as to give into such a fast-moving fire? it moves through me with a strong wind driving it, forward and forward more, until finally it goes out. and then the rubble of the left-behind ashes. must i give up, only to let such a fire consume even more? no. new life, discussion, conviction, thats whats in store. i want my future so bad, and i want to keep it pure and innocent. no spoiled experiences. everything will be new and an adventure. but only when the time comes. its healthier this way. i want to feel clean and light, content.
theres a first time for everything, but many of those firsts should be saved for the right time. im still saving the rest of mine.
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