idleness

this offseason has been so killer. simply because my time has been abundant, yet sparing.
i have time to sit and think, dwell on the things that have happened. my mistakes. my messups.
my go all the time routine is nonexistant in the offseason. i sit. literally.
my muscles yearn to be moving, be involved, be active. but i have no motivation outside of soccer.
im just waiting. waiting for soccer season. waiting...

i love the mindless feel and effort of my muscles all synchronizing together, to form a run, a sprint, a powerful shot. the bunch and release of them coiling up with raw power and solid steel force and then stretching out, the ligaments and tendons and muscle fiber all lengthening as one, eating up the ground under my feet, hungry for more of that feel. the burning of my body crying out to stop this relentless pain, yet i push it on, training for an elite fit. push it past its breaking point, sweat pouring down my back as a come up short of breath, of strength, of physical power, but not will power. the will to keep going disregards the screams of pain from my muscles and makes them move once more.
this immense amount of will power seems to elude me everywhere but on the soccer field. sure i have some strong will power else where, but the sheer force of my mind over pain, the very essence doesnt apply. i cant make it apply. soccer is...simple to me. its black and white. its all mind over the body. the mind telling the body to keep going, even when the body protests that this is not possible any more.
the rest of life is so vividly colored; its so beautiful, yet so very frightening at the exact same time, the two feelings meshing together as one.